go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
