Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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