five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
