is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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