I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
