I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
