its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
