once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
