I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
