I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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