8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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