It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
