Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
