So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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