Please, let me fuck your mom
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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