My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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