i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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