I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
