He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
