So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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