eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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