I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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