Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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