i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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