You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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