At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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