I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
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Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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