gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
