Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
