We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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