there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
