You really coming over, don't trick.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
