Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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