i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
