we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
