He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
