okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
