y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
