The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
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Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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