I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
