I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
