my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
