I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
