So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
