I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
