so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
