my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
