omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
