I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
