cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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