hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You work out of a Hotel?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
