i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
