I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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