I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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