its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
