my being single is dangerous.
she told me i tasted like america
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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