I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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