If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can text with my tongue
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
