i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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