Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
