I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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