meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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