we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
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Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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