I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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