is your mom at the bar?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
