Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
