You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
