Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
