Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
