my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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