Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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