my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
