wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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