The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
