i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
